its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
