The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
