Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
