Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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