Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need to calm my uterus...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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