Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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