my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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