she was so not down for the gang bang
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
