dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was CRYING into my vagina
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
