And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
