I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
