he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
