I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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