she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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