You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
