So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
