Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
