Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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