You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
