I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
