my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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