loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
