I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
