Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
