I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
