It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize