what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
