should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
my liver is dry heaving
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
