My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
