You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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