Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
