just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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