watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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