i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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