You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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