census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
