So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
