no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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