I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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