saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize
