Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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