I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize