How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
