we have officially lost it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Drunk is a universal language darling
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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