worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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