fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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