i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
