Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
