apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
