areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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