I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
high people should be assigned attendants
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
