True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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