Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
