I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
