Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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