we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
