He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize