So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
