We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
