She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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