I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
