can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
