closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
