He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
