I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
