I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
