i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
