it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
