is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
