I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
