I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
