oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
True strength comes from lack of pants
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
