I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
