just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
