you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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