I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
