i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
