I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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