wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
