did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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