He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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