I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
