I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
