3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
