Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
