So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
