you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize