Someone shit on the floor
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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