is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
