I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
