If i come over, it means nothing
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
