You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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