i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
