There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
