I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
pray to the hookup gods
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
