Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
