I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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