I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
