Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize