We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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