I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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