he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
