well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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