and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
